How movement helped me get through my darkest moments
By Paloma Greer, Founder of The Caché Dance Project
I had been crying quietly most of the night laying in a fetal position on the floor of the cold room I was living in after a sudden harsh breakup. My precious little boy was sleeping in the bed, so I quietly buried my face in a pillow trying to drown the sounds of my broken spirit.
I felt like my entire body was convulsing from the pain as silent screams escaped from deep within me. The pain was too great to bare… “God, if you are here with me, please show me a sign... please help me; I need to feel your presence.” I kneeled up drenched in my sorrow, I could barely see through the tears hoping for any kind of sign; a soft whisper from above, an invisible hand on my shoulder, a comet flying by—anything at all. I needed proof that there was a higher power watching over me or else, I was doomed. I looked out the window but all I saw was a lifeless concrete side wall from the neighbor's house; a perfect depiction of what my life had become. Sinking in silence there, staring at nothingness, I realized that no one was coming to save me. Regaining control of my life and getting back up, was ON ME.
Movement Can Help You Overcome Anxiety
I was emotionally numbed, mentally broken, physically exhausted, and spiritually bankrupt. I had hit rock bottom. I needed some sort of instant relief, so I reached for the last Xanax I had to numb my myself. I looked at the pill in the palm of my hand and I thought… “How did I get here? This is not me; this is not supposed to be my life!" That was the moment I reached my breaking point.
The sun had started to rise, and I had to prepare my son for school in less than two hours; I was exhausted, so I took a moment to collect my thoughts and breathe as I wrapped my arms around myself gently rocking side to side, like how you rock a baby to sleep. I placed my hands on my chest creating a "butterfly effect." The Butterfly Effect is a mindfulness and visualization technique that I learned during my recovery at the Alexian Brothers Mental Health Hospital over a decade ago while recovering from MDD (Major Depression Disorder), PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and Chronic Anxiety. The "butterfly technique" is used to help reduce anxiety by sitting in a quiet place, imagining a beautiful colorful butterfly fluttering in front of you. As you focus on the butterfly, you breathe in and out deeply letting go of any thoughts that may be triggering the anxiety.
My legs were weak; I felt like I had gotten hit by a truck after crying for hours. I needed a moment to recover before starting the day, so I allowed myself to let go and accept the moment for what it was, embracing my brokenness, and my defeat as such. I then slowly began to ease myself into prolonged body movements, just as I had learned at the hospital during my in-patient treatment. As I was gently dancing in that room slowly, I focused on the emotion I was feeling, and openly let it flow with my body for the first time ever. I was letting myself feel the raw pain that for years, I had been suppressing. Oddly... my anxiety eased off, because once I felt the pain, I was done hurting. It was a cathartic moment that to this day, I remember it as the darkest one of my life, nonetheless, it was the day I found profound healing dancing in the dark.
Dance is a reflection of life; life can be seen as a song and we are the dancers, constantly moving and changing to the rhythm of our experiences as we navigate through the different stages and life experiences. The dance of life is ever-changing, and just as a dancer, must be present in the moment and react to the music. We move and adapt to the rhythm of our surroundings, just like a dancer gracefully moving to the beat of the music.
The beauty of life, much like the beauty of dance, is found in the fluidity and grace with which we move through it. Each step, each movement, each experience, is a part of the greater dance that is our life.
Thank You For Visiting Our Dance Blog
We hope that you found the information and inspiration helpful in your own journey towards healing through the power of Dance. Incorporating dance into your self-care routine can be a powerful tool. If you enjoyed this blog, please consider subscribing to stay updated on new content and resources.
Keep dancing & Stay Inspired,
Paloma Greer
Founder & Artistic Director
The Caché Dance Project
For Speaking engagements inquiries, please send us an e-mail to support@thecachedanceproject.com or contact Paloma Greer at (847) 468-4555
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